Radical Acceptance by Andrea Miller

Author:Andrea Miller
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Atria Books

CREATING SAFETY IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

“Safety is nonnegotiable.30 If you want a good relationship, it’s got to be safe—predictably safe and reliably safe. Both predictability and reliability are essential.”

—HARVILLE HENDRIX

Safety must be established for any sane person to risk being vulnerable and to willingly expose her- or himself. After all, if you think someone is going to laugh at, deride, judge, or reject you, why would you ever open yourself up? You wouldn’t, and neither would your partner.

Let’s start with how your brain perceives threats and how you can counteract this propensity. A region of the brain called the amygdala is partly responsible for memory, decision making, and regulating emotions. The amygdala also governs the flight-or-fight response that typically occurs when conflict starts to brew. Either we seek to escape the conflict, or we dig our trenches and prepare for war.

When Sanjay says or does something I perceive as hurtful or maddening, a physiological response occurs. Sensing a threat, my amygdala releases hormones that either prepare me for battle or provide the extra energy to flee. No matter which happens, my heart rate surges, my muscles tense, my blood pressure rises—and then, too often, these impulses translate into fighting words that fall right out of my mouth. Oops.

There is so much fascinating information and research out there about the biofeedback loop connecting the brain and body.

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